The Basics of Happy Life

We all want to be happy. We all want money, love, freedom, leisure. But How many will end up with all they want? The relations are often manipulated and skewed, which give tensions how to manage, how to behave, what to talk and so on. How can we be free from all the norms, customs, expectations and at the same time have a good family and friend circle? When I tried to figure this out , I found the following rules as the fundamentals.

1. Never assume anything. Understand and talk what you really know.

For example main reason of fight between the relatives are the behaviour based on assumptions. She has spoke ill of me to my uncle, that is why he is scolding me. But have you really heard her talking so? If no never act based on that assumption. Try to find why your uncle scolded you. Deal the issue with uncle himself.

2. Be aware of attribution error. Attribution error indicates absence of intellectual integrity.

For example when you lie you will justify it as because of circumstances. But when others lie to you you cannot accept the excuses. You want to smoke, but you know it is harmful. You may scold others for smoking. But when you smoke, you will try to justify it.

Next time when you are about to judge somebody else, think for a second how will you judge yourself for the same thing. Majority of our problems on our relations comes with the attribution error.

Do not forget that the same law operates for everybody.

3.  Ask the question "Why not" rather than "Why". This approach will make you think logical/rational.

There is inherent apprehension to accept other's opinion and respect another culture. We believe ours is the best and all others are on wrong side. There comes stereotyping and biases. Now try to analyse things logically. If you believe on any superstitions - for example you believe that having a dip in holy river will bring you fortune. Think like this has all fortunate people had a dip in this river? Have all people who had dip got fortune? This kind of logical approach will expand your thinking and gives you clarity. 

4. Never Compare yourself with others. You are unique.

You may be worried about the smiling pictures of others in the social media. They are all happy. They are lucky. They have many that I do not have. It is okay they are having something. They are not taking your's right? But can anybody replace what is you? Each person is a sum total of customised experiences. If you start comparing with others, you will forget to live for yourself. It is your life, take care of it at your best.

5. Think what I can do rather than what others should do.

You have control only over yourself. Any problem you face, think from your side what I can do and should do. Never make it conditional that if they do. It will never work in disputes. if you want things as per you wish, never depend on others action. Because those things are not in our control

6. Do not worry about things which are not in your control.

General tendency is that, people will blame that fate for any misfortune. But what is this fate? Who is making it? Those who believe in God or any Super natural powers, may attribute the unknown factors to them. 

For example - you want to crack one exam. You can take care of your studies, it is in your hands. But if you are unlucky that you always get questions from the areas you did not prepare. What will be your reaction? Blame the fate ? why is this happening to me ? curse yourself ? But what is the use? Do you have any control over the setting of exam questions? Then do not blame yourself. Accept that exam is unpredictable. You will get peace of mind.

These are the simple rules that many of us will ignore or forget. Try to follow and see the difference in your life.

The Stages of Development

I am trying to analyse the different stages of knowledge and wisdom that a human passes through. The fact is that human are born ignorant and learns by intuitions, from family, friends, school, media and if interested from other sources to know about this world. And unfortunately, the  learning of the majority ends here. They join the chorus of the established facts and rules. This stage I consider as the first stage of knowledge where the learning is started, but prefer to call it as ignorant stage. Next comes the educated stage, then knowledgeable stage, wisdom stage and finally enlightenment stage.

1. Ignorant phase

People know many things. But there may not be any co ordination in the thoughts or knowledge. They are a part of the game - the blame game. Interestingly even God also not spared. This happens in all levels - to oneself, to the social circle, to the nation.

I shall explain. Take an example where you failed to clear one exam, but your friend cleared. The immediate response will be to blame the circumstances - I fell sick, he had better coaching, something is wrong with the evaluation and so on. But accepting failure is not an option.

In the society level it goes like this. We expect somebody else to do the collective works. When it comes to duty, we are not part of the system. When it comes to entitlements, we are in front to claim. And in our opinion nothing works properly - corruption everywhere, politicians and officers are not efficient, morals are endangered and so on

2. Educated Phase

You put efforts to know the system. Now you are aware of political systems, institutions, bureaucracy , constitution, rights, duties, society. You know how things work and can relate it them to your experiences and surrounding. Now it become hard to blame the government for everything. There are so many programmes, policies for the public good and inclusion. There are enough checks and balances to prevent abuse of power by a single institution or person. You realise that we are a part of the whole system and can forgive and accept things even if you do not like them.

If I am citing by own experience, I used to get irritated by the behaviour of the blue collar employees in my workplace. Totally irresponsible and lazy, having count only on the entitlements they should get. But now I know the history of class struggle - how they were exploited and how they struggled for their rights. So the leverage they enjoy now is part of the changes. This is temporary. Time will come when all inefficiencies pave way to better system. So my anger or irritation has no meaning. 

3. Knowledge stage

Now that you realised that the blame is not with the government, you will try to find out where the real problem is. 
Why the positive measures are not translating to reality? Why there are so many leakages? You find corruption and lack of ethical practices in the system. Why the politicians - power hungry, money minded and corrupt? Why there is no will power in leaders to bring changes? Why the laws to protect the favourites? Why the common at large are in dark? 
Then you realise that there is inherent inequality in the society. There are vested interests and infallible power structures. Now how to have a just and peaceful system? 

There should be knowledge, people should be aware. The information asymmetry should vanish. 

4. Wisdom stage

This phase you will think and try to figure out the complex problems you came to know. You will find that society at large is responsible. Who are these corrupt politicians, inefficient bureaucrats and criminals?  They are part of the society and product of the society. Why we allow them to flourish? In a democracy the ultimate power is with the people. Then why the bad people are getting elected? Why they have huge support base? Why there are over emphasis on wealth and power?

The society is reflected in its rulers and institutions. So what is the role of individual citizen? Get a real look at yourself. You are also not free from the dark sides. You are also greedy, egoistic, stereotypical, dishonest and carries some irrationality within you, which otherwise considered as normal. Why I should blame others when I am also  part and parcel of it?   So finally the blame game ends on you. For a society to change, its individuals have to change, that means you have to change.

5. Detached stage or Active Stage

Once you understood the real picture, there can be two actions - change yourself and teach others or remain neutral. You may withdraw to yourself from all the troubles and try for inner peace, as some of our ancient sages did. Or you can try to bring in as positive changes as possible. It can be an intervention in the system to bring out the changes you need. There comes the revolution. The world from have seen such revolutions such as renaissance, radical revolution, Marxism and the present rights based movements. They all try to deliver a more equal, inclusive and peaceful society. And the process goes on.  

Now try to find out which stage you are in...