We all want to be happy. We all want money, love, freedom, leisure. But How many will end up with all they want? The relations are often manipulated and skewed, which give tensions how to manage, how to behave, what to talk and so on. How can we be free from all the norms, customs, expectations and at the same time have a good family and friend circle? When I tried to figure this out , I found the following rules as the fundamentals.
1. Never assume anything. Understand and talk what you really know.
For example main reason of fight between the relatives are the behaviour based on assumptions. She has spoke ill of me to my uncle, that is why he is scolding me. But have you really heard her talking so? If no never act based on that assumption. Try to find why your uncle scolded you. Deal the issue with uncle himself.
2. Be aware of attribution error. Attribution error indicates absence of intellectual integrity.
For example when you lie you will justify it as because of circumstances. But when others lie to you you cannot accept the excuses. You want to smoke, but you know it is harmful. You may scold others for smoking. But when you smoke, you will try to justify it.
Next time when you are about to judge somebody else, think for a second how will you judge yourself for the same thing. Majority of our problems on our relations comes with the attribution error.
Do not forget that the same law operates for everybody.
3. Ask the question "Why not" rather than "Why". This approach will make you think logical/rational.
There is inherent apprehension to accept other's opinion and respect another culture. We believe ours is the best and all others are on wrong side. There comes stereotyping and biases. Now try to analyse things logically. If you believe on any superstitions - for example you believe that having a dip in holy river will bring you fortune. Think like this has all fortunate people had a dip in this river? Have all people who had dip got fortune? This kind of logical approach will expand your thinking and gives you clarity.
4. Never Compare yourself with others. You are unique.
You may be worried about the smiling pictures of others in the social media. They are all happy. They are lucky. They have many that I do not have. It is okay they are having something. They are not taking your's right? But can anybody replace what is you? Each person is a sum total of customised experiences. If you start comparing with others, you will forget to live for yourself. It is your life, take care of it at your best.
5. Think what I can do rather than what others should do.
You have control only over yourself. Any problem you face, think from your side what I can do and should do. Never make it conditional that if they do. It will never work in disputes. if you want things as per you wish, never depend on others action. Because those things are not in our control
6. Do not worry about things which are not in your control.
General tendency is that, people will blame that fate for any misfortune. But what is this fate? Who is making it? Those who believe in God or any Super natural powers, may attribute the unknown factors to them.
For example - you want to crack one exam. You can take care of your studies, it is in your hands. But if you are unlucky that you always get questions from the areas you did not prepare. What will be your reaction? Blame the fate ? why is this happening to me ? curse yourself ? But what is the use? Do you have any control over the setting of exam questions? Then do not blame yourself. Accept that exam is unpredictable. You will get peace of mind.
These are the simple rules that many of us will ignore or forget. Try to follow and see the difference in your life.
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